Charcoalatte Critters: Relax girl, she says. It’s gonna be aight.
Ever wonder what your pet is thinking?
Dear friends,
Thank you for the flowers and cards. I’m doing fine, thank you. Well the humans done done it this time. So I wake up Monday morning feeling ready to start the week. I had a good weekend. The humans let me hang out upstairs all weekend (take that Abbey!). I even helped the vertically challenged female human to put away laundry. She didn’t scream at me or anything. So relaxing. So when I woke up Monday morning I could not understand why they’re acting so strange. Nobody gave me food. Not even the hard pellets that hurt my delicate gums. And get this, they took away my water bowl, too. Anyway I figured they were busy. The vertically challenged female was getting dressed. I guess she was going to stare at a screen and make noises on a keyboard somewhere else today. She even put on extra feet. Yeah it looked like I was hanging out with the bald human today. All good. He gives the best belly rubs. The youngest human came down dressed in the same clothes as usual. Why does she always wear those clothes? I guess its time for her to not exist. Bald dude said I could come with them. Woohoo early morning road trip. I love love those.
We get in the car and I’m riding along minding my business in the back seat when I realize that we’re pulling into my manicurist shop. WTH? I just got my nails done last week. Anyways we enter and the bald dude signed in. This cute human came around and rubbed my belly. She smelled so nice. I would marry her. If I was a human. She puts one of those darn cheap leashes on me and that just spoils my mood. I don’t know where that leash has been? Seriously people what is going on? Why am I here? Next thing I know I’m being led to the back and my humans are heading out the door. Someone says something about spayed. WTH is spayed? Are they going to cut my nails again? Help! Help! So they got me back there and one of those ladies in the tacky pastel outfits shaves my belly exposing my boobies. Ok this is just embarrassing. Why would she do that? Its almost November and I’m cold. Call my humans! Baldie! Vertically challenged female! Where are you guys? Next it all goes black. Next thing I know I’m waking up on this cold bed and my belly hurts. They’re talking to me and asking me to wake up. I am so darn sleepy. It’s like I’d gone for a long walk or something. But why does my belly hurt? I try to see but these idiots have put this darn white cone on my head. I can’t see a darn thing. I try to call out for my humans but the bad people tell me to relax. It’s going to be ok. There’s an older dog in the next room. She hears my cries. Relax girl, she says. It’s gonna be aight. You’ve had a hysterectomy. A who? They’ve taken out your baby making parts she says. I’m not even sure what that means but it somehow calms me and I go back to sleep.
Anyway I’m back home with my humans now. It’s a bit hard getting around with this darn thing on my head but I’m surviving. I’ll get it out next week. I can’t wait. As soon as I get it out I’m gonna scratch that spot on my belly until it’s raw. Then I’m gonna find Abby wherever she is and I’m going to kick her butt for taunting me while I’m sick.
Send treats,
Ms. Lola
